


The man who was Jrursday

by Solomon_of_the_Xaos



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Action, Crack, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Pre-Canon, loose parody, not much relationship stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29821029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solomon_of_the_Xaos/pseuds/Solomon_of_the_Xaos
Summary: A prequel to the centricide. Radical centrist learns through Anarcho-nihilist of a secret extremist council with a deadly mission and a mysterious leader. Having a few radical bones in his body, he willfully thrusts himself into a world of lies, mystery and sabotage boiling beneath the surface.A very very loose parody of 'The man who was Thursday' by G. K. Chesterton (so don't expect me to diss anarchism in favour of a God allegory or write vivid descriptions of sunsets and shit)
Relationships: radical centrist & anarcho-nihilist, radical centrist/anarcho-nihilist
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi  
> -I use the character's 'canon' names and ideological names interchangeably. Here their 'canon' names are their normal names  
> -I will update but will probably write multiple chapters at a time before I publish, because I love to radically *wink wink* change my plot points and story stuff  
> -That's all, I think

Stanley ‘Radical centrist’ Usckwo walked down a lane. He was feeling particularly smarmy today. He got out his hand and saluted the government, who he felt sorry for today, much like any other day. 

‘What do you think you're doing? Spoke a lean dark figure from the shadows.

‘Oh I'm just respecting my lovely government on this orderly day. Who are you?' Stanley mused

The figure lurched from forth the shadows, chuckling like a twelve year old boy about to tell a really edgy joke. 'Allow me to introduce myself. I am Odysseus, the great negater. When I destroy, I create. thus, like an artist, I destroy your fuckin face, neoliberal scum!’

Oh, you're an anarcho-nihilist? Don't worry I won’t tell the police, promise.’ Chided the centrist, smugly. ‘Great negator? More like great debater, because I see you are more intent on arguing the nature of my philosophy than smashing my face, judging by your closed fist that is trembling a few inches from my nose...’

'I spare you people too hard,' muttered Anarcho-nihilist.

Stanley gently dragged the man's hand back down. ‘You’ll grow out of your phase soon enough, let me know when you decide to get serious about your beliefs, you are a good man.'

‘If only you could see how serious I am’ he whispered.

He slammed his open fist onto Stan's throat like a clamp. Unrelenting, he pushed him backwards and backwards, puppeteering him with his iron grip, he forced him through a door, swaying, and violently spilled his body over a bar table.

‘Ooh trying to asphyxiate me now are we? Said Stan, to his delight Odysseus’s face doubled in anger.

'Listen here you fucking brat, I'll have you know you are messing with the wrong guy. Nihilism is the great zero, I encompass the beginning and end of the universe, bitch. It all starts and ends with nothing.'

Strangely, the few people in the bar did not turn to look or even notice the fight that was breaking out. Stanley wondered if they were even alive. He kicked Nihilist in the chest and swung him into the bar counter. 'Oh yeah, well I am the mundane, and I too encompass the universe. Every living thing gets to thank their existence to the beautiful life patterns of order and rationality,'

Odysseus pulled himself upright to reach onto the counter from behind and grab a glass. He ran himself a glass and downed it in one. 'No. You are the guilty middle.' he grabs a shot glass and smashes it by Stanley. 'And I must bring you to an end.'

Stanley fished in his pocket and paid the absent waiter for Odysseus's drink. 'Well if your great zero is the bookends to my guilty middle, it seems you are encompassing me in an intimate embrace rather than ending me..'

Nihilist looked as if he was going to shout, but something held him back. He dropped his head. 'Ok... you, **_you_ ** .' He staggered towards him, pointing a finger. ‘I... **_hate_ **you very much. Most people only succeed in mildly irritating my cold, dead heart, but you have done something much more. To kill you would be to kill something too rare and precious to me.'

He reclined against the counter, tapping his fingers against it rhythmically. 'I am going to show you just how serious I am about my "phase"...'

He reached over to the drink shelves and to Radical Centrist's surprise, they opened right up, revealing a cellar staircase.

‘Follow me. Now as you can see, I am about to take you somewhere very serious.' He grinned. 'I am so dedicated to my extremism, that I am part of the council of extremists. They are electing the heads of the extremist task force, as there has been a vacancy.'

He takes him along a corridor into the secret council of the extremists. It is like that underground place in France made of all the skulls, except instead of skulls, there were guns of all calibers embedded into the walls. And skulls too.

‘A-are they real?' Stanley whispered.

Anarcho-Nihilist ignored him and plunged a hand into the wall, emerging with an AK420 rifle. 'Today I will be crowned Jrursday, I am quite sure of it. There are seven heads on the council, Jronday, Jruesday, Jrednesay, Jrursday, Jriday, Jraturday… and Jreg. He’s the leader.'

'You claim to be an nihilist anarchist yet you want to enter a position of power in a council... with a leader? Curious…'

'Shut up.'

Stan took a gun from the wall and hid it in his overcoat.

\---

Radical Centrist marvelled at the intricate gun wall. All those extremists on the council... 

Stan himself was raised by extremists. He not only had an extreme mum and dad, but he grew up in a multi generational household, and all his family members not only had radically different ideologies, but tendencies that seemed to grow more and more extreme in opposition to each other. A teenager, pulled apart at all ends, he escaped to the one place he could, quiet sanity. He remembers the night he was approached by Dead Centrist. ‘Join the anti-extremists union’ he said. ‘Ok.’ said Radical Centrist.

‘Ahh, joining the anti extremist union was the best decision of my life....’ he sighed.

‘What.’ 

Stan covered his mouth, ‘oh, uh…’

Anarcho-Nihilist looked at him in utter disgust. ‘I thought you were bad, but a member of the anti extremist union? That's on a whole other level, ugh.’ Odysseus pressed his head against the gun wall. He couldn’t just ask him to leave after telling him this much. ‘Ok, look, I will let you go into the meeting, but you will not tell the police after this, ok? ...Remember your promise?’

Their eyes met.

‘Only if you don't tell the extremists, deal?’ 

They stared at each other. 

‘Fine.’ 

‘Deal.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Jrursday of the council is chosen

‘Ok here's where the extremists get elected…’ Anarcho-Nihilist said as he approached a tall arched door. 

He performed a secret knock and was let into the room by a cloaked figure.

‘Oh no… this isn’t one of those cult-like initiation ceremonies is it?’ Stanley asked. He had been taken to so many on his family holidays that he no longer fainted on the car journey thinking about all the bloodletting that was usually ahead.

The appointers came into the room, also cloaked in hoods. 

They stood in a circle. ‘Nihilist Odysseus, who is this person?’

Nihilist spoke quickly. ‘A new recruit from another faction. He is a um...’

‘-I’m an anarcho nihilist too.’

Odysseus gave Stanley a weird look. He seemed to assess him before starting his speech. He looked clearly affected by Stanley's presence, like he was a teacher that had just entered a room full of students, and Nihilist, right in the middle, stood quiet and distressed.

'Hello, dear extremists. As you all know, we are very…misunderstood... by society...' He began, eyes fixed on Stanley. He sounded as if he was searching out his words as he spoke them. 'The extremist operation is an operation that... a centrist need not look into. It would be preferable if centrists do not stop and think about our... extremist operations.' he continued, dripping with precise intention. 'We may or may not want to do murder-’

‘May or may not?' Said one of the hooded figures. ‘Sounds pretty centrist to me’

‘No I-I-‘

Radical centrist looked at the shaken Nihilist and then at the oblivious crowd. He smirked. 'Fuck centrism! We are extremists! We take our potential and we liberate ourselves!' Shouted Radical Centrist.

Nihilist looked at him, alarmed.

 _As if I can’t make a convincing extremist..._ thought Stanley.

‘Hey! let him continue!’ said the one of the hooded disciples.

‘Yeah, let me,’ said Nihilist.

‘Not you,’ They walked over to Stanley. ‘It seems you have a speech,'

'No! Don't let him, he's a...'

'I'm a what?' he said smugly. Odysseus looked at the centrist's quizzical grin. He left his sentence to dissipate into the leering atmosphere.

‘That’s right. I’m an Anarcho-Nihilist, baby.’ He said proudly. Then, Stanley noticed the strangest thing. He was _becoming_ an Anarcho-nihilist, literally taking on his form beneath his overcoat. He had no idea why or how this was happening, but he didn’t care. As he suppressed the urge to break out into a fit of cackling laughter, he felt as wicked as a destructive flame, emboldened with wild-being. He rubbed his hands together as if crushing a tiny earth between his fingers.

‘Extremists! Let us rally against the great plague upon this world that is centrism, we will not hold back, we will not listen to dissent and hell yeah we’ll do murder! We’ll do whatever it takes! We are a danger to society. Society is centrist. Damn right am I dangerous! We will be feared, and we will send such establishments crumbling down!’ Every hooded disciple in the room was clapping. He jumped onto a chair and stood tall. ‘Jouissance de la vie! Negation! Bloodshed! And whatever else you sick fuckers want! We all want it, and we will fight, kill and bite in unrelenting joy, anger and all extreme passions of life! Why? Because we are extremists!’

The clapping and cheering at this point was so loud that Stanley could no longer speak over them. He pumped his arms into the air and awaited in glorious pose.

Someone spoke up through the hushed crowd. ‘Everyone! There is no doubt that this man… is the new Jrursday of the council!’

Everyone clapped. One of the disciples nearly threw his arms in Nihilist’s face. Nihilist sagged like a deer who had just been shot. ‘But...but..’

The disciples lifted Radical Centrist onto their shoulders and carried him through the halls chanting ‘Jrursday!’ over and over. They gave him a cloak, a cane and a copy of the Jrixtape (out now).

Their next instruction for him was straightforward. ‘Attend the meeting tonight. It’s at the coffee shop across the road, on the big table near the back. Jreg is the normal looking guy, you might miss him.’

Though somewhere, he could sense that he had plunged himself into a conspiracy more complex than he could ever imagine...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys chapter 2, soz 4 late, I had lots of school.  
> I have already forgot what the original book went like and I'm not going to check because then I'll end up writing it the same plot but worse.   
> cool thanks for reading xxx tell me what you think,   
> at the moment I'm not sure how to make my writing not sparse


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